Friday, February 6, 2009

tell me what you see.

so the past couple of days i have been trying to blend in with the asian people. and over the past couple of days i have realized that this task is nearly impossible.
here are a few reasons why:
1. the chinese people in general have abnormally large moles. you are probably thinking that moles are fairly normal; however, asian moles are much different than regular moles. they have long thick hairs coming out of them that the asian people believe to bring bad luck if you cut them or pull them out. if i ever find a hair coming out of one of my moles, there is no way that i am going to let it grow and grow and grow until i can braid the hair. i guess i am going to have bad luck.
2. chinese people have terrible teeth. i don't think they know that toothbrushes exist or if they do, they probably don't care to use them. most of the people i have seen have teeth that are rotting out of their head, and on top of that they are incredibly crooked. it is sad. really. the other day some girls went to an open market in the morning and came to find a place that helps with that problem. it is a chair, with some plier sitting next to it and a sign with a toothy smile on it. dentist? maybe.
3. chinese babies are SO cute. and it is even cuter when they have holes in the back of their pants in order for them to squat in the street. it is not so cute when they are squatting in the street, but those little bums are just so cute. i would love the freedom of being able to squat in the street, but baby asian bums are luckily...knock on wood...the only ones i have seen pooking out of bum less pants, and hopefully it stays that way.
4. fingernails? more like claws. both men and women have extremely long fingernails that they use for grooming. i would rather use a q-tip and a kleenex.
5. i have come to realize that showering isn't always necessary. sure they have grease on their fingers and their clothes are covered in meat water. who cares?! it's all good. PSYCH. it is not all good. but i still love it here.
6. the chinese (as well as many other asians) have terrible facial hair. it grows in spurts around their chin an upper lip and is so stringy and strait that it doesn't really look like it should be there. all i can say is that i am glad i am not a man (asian or not) that has to worry about facial hair.
7. the chinese have a very skewed sense of exercise. they walk backwards and barefoot. they believe that they are getting more exercise that way. i am going to keep walking facing forward. and keep my shoes on. at all times.
8. asians are tiny people. and i mean tiny tiny. both men and women. they have the smallest waists and cinch their belts so tight that their pants are folding over on the top.
9. asians love to hover. is doesn't really matter what anyone is doing, but they LOVE to watch everyone that comes into their store and/or vicinity. i have never felt so uncomfortable than when i am standing in a store looking at something with 5 asians hovering over me. and when i say over me, i literally mean over me, their hovering forces me to stoop down.
10. asians can sleep anywhere. and i mean anywhere. on the bus. on the street. in the street. on a motorcycle. in the park. in a tree. on a rock. on a boat. in a cart. in a car. in a store. blocking the entrance of store. on your shoulder...with their dandruff getting on you. in a grocery cart. in a grocery cart going down the street. in a cart behind a motorcycle. etc...etc. i am a deep sleeper. but not that deep.

as you can tell, i have learned a lot about the asian people i am surrounded by. and by surrounded by; i mean surrounded on all sides, nearly all the time. i am sure this list is going to get longer and longer. stay tuned.
i love asians.


TIFFANI said...

i don't know if this picture is sad or happy. its a good photo though. i like it. and i enjoy your lists thoroughly.

Chelsey said...

I laughed pretty hard. But Rand thought it was a really sad list. It sounds like you won't be marrying someone from asia.

The Davis Duo said...

11. Asians like to smoke a lot at Snow College

yesdnil. said...

12. asians like to smoke a lot in the chiner.