it's sunday morning and i'm sitting in my bed thinking about the previous night and the dreams that went with him. i sit here looking at pictures of a man that is so far away, but so close to me at the same time. i sit here listening to hannah breath deeply as she sleeps next to me. i don't want to wake her with my typing. i sit here wondering if it is warm outside or if it is winter again. i await getting reading for the day and traveling southward for the blessing of the newest member of my family, little baby norah. i sit here thinking about how quickly time is passing and wondering where i'll be at the end of all of it.
i sit here thinking that in a week i will be talking to someone i love after almost four months of waiting. i sit here thinking that i need to change things up, i need to get a new frame, take some more pictures, and decorate the bare white walls that surround me. i sit here thinking about all the good times that go along with the few pictures that decorate the walls. high school was the best time of my life and with the best friends i could have asked for. but what comes next? surely there is so much more. i have so much to look forward to and so much that is yet to happen. i sit here thinking about all the is so come and the experiences i am going to have.
i sit here thinking about how much i have grown in the past two years and how much i will change in the next two. will i be better? or will i be the same? i hope to be: better, stronger, faster, friendlier, smarter, funnier, brighter, prettier, deeper, happier, wiser, more spiritual, more exciting, more kind, more understanding, more outgoing, more carefree, more spontaneous, more of an example, etc...etc.
i sit here thinking that i want to be so much, and even the smallest amount of change can make a world of a difference, so what is keeping me from changing?
fear? yes. no. maybe.
it doesn't matter, really. i just need to get over whatever it is, or could be, that is keeping me from becoming who i want to be.
this is the start of a new and better me.